Never in all the other wild dreams was it imagined that this would be the life I would now be living. Only was it imagined that at this point there would be wiseness, contentment, a sense of arrival. Silly me.
Here’s the deal: two non-abiding awakenings have occurred, altering how all is seen and experienced. One of the main recognitions is that all bets are off in every experiential and perception category.
No longer are thoughts spontaneously seen as they had been. Feelings cannot be experienced with all the old assumptions automatically attached. Other people, nope, lost sight of what they were thought to be. Circumstances, situations… they are all viewed from a new angle. What has happened? And… will it grow? is it permanent? Would that be welcome?
It has been directly recognized that I MADE UP A STORY about each and every thing that crossed my inner and outer paths, and have always done so. No way was anything seen as it was. All were immediately overlaid with whatever ideas and preconceptions and prejudices that came up about them.
This is seen to have occurred because no attention was given to the fact of something actually happening. It was a knee-jerk auto-pilot reaction. See, hear, touch, think of something and whoosh! it morphed into what I believed about it, with no recognition of the morph. I would then go on my merry oblivious way, believing every single bit of what was thought to be real.
I have come to understand this is what I have always done. As have we all. It is a process to which we have been completely conditioned; it’s what we are taught and in no position to refuse, as it begins shortly after birth and is concreted in just by being a small child alive on the planet.
This was such a powerful recognition that although the experience of it has faded, the truth of it has not. It is seen now that each thought, feeling, sensation, and perception of the outer world gets overlaid with my story, my ideas about them. And then I think the ‘about’ is the ‘reality’. Hmm… this smells suspiciously like an ‘It’s all about me‘ story.
So, back to the questions. Will this continue, as in: will it grow? Well… guess I cannot predict the future. Ha! But I can say that there is a new depth of peace, and certainly more joy. So I intend to carry on here because this is VERY welcome, which implies SOME sort of future with this reality as a constant, and flowing into more of itself, perhaps.
Will it last? Can I count on it? Possibly. This is because ‘it’, life in a new reality, seems dependent upon only my acknowledgement of it. And that happens when I drop the story, the identification with what those made-up fantasies say about thoughts, feelings…all of it, including the new reality. Without a story about everything, there’s a lot less risk of choosing to be in a relationship with my own crap. Yup. And without the crap, a deeper possibility that what awaits might be… anything at all.
Finally, there is the recognition that it is totally within my power and ability to keep on dropping story stuff. Yes, I slip, I fall, I forget. Yes, I remember, I stand, I joy. All verbs. All dynamic and open to new flows.
I’m goin’ for it.
Thanks for being here with me.