Letting Be

Aloha, my friends.

There is a deeper settling into the recognition that there is no ‘I’, no personal self. So it seems a good time to describe it a bit more. 

Since the original experience there have been several others, each including very strong ‘no-self’ components and much more. (Further on this in upcoming posts.) The emotional power of all of them, and a lot of the experientialness, has faded. I am taking that as natural. Feelings and experience do just that… arise, peak, fade. So, as it must, the immediacy dims.

What sustains, remains, is?

1. Knowing that when I specifically look for an inner self, an entity called ‘me’, none is ever found. All that really needs to be done is ask and immediately it’s clear that the answer is a big fat ‘NO’. In daily living lack of an ‘I’ is experienced in varying degrees. Also in daily living there is sometimes a spiraling into a particular thought through an ‘I’ component abruptly experienced as kind of ‘real’. Then ‘I’, who totally knows there is no ‘I’, buy into ‘I’, and start feeling like a ‘me’ again. This is suffering. See point 2.

2. A moment-to-moment experience that includes both letting thought scroll through and giving it attention. Calmness with the former; various degrees of suffering with the latter.  Suffering? Yes. No pain arises when a thought is simply noticed and allowed to pass through. Holding to something untrue and going where it leads, ahhh, different story altogether (emphasis on ‘story’). This takes me to suffering via ideas like: ‘I’m right.’  ‘It’s awful.’ ‘How stupid.’ ‘This situation should be different.’ These kinds of thoughts are ever and only my opinion and belief, rather than some sort of truth, and they hurt. Yet ‘I’ holds on until what is twistedly happening in the mind is genuinely recognized. Then comes inquiry into the thoughts and their source. Eventually, letting go of them also releases the sense of a ‘me’. Thoughts just slide on through again, no ‘I’ to clutch. Sweet relief.

3. Recognition that when the suffering symptoms start, the remedy is close at hand: Getting out means going through. So I do. Inquiry, sometimes quiet, sometimes not, shows up the erroneous ideas, beliefs, doctrines and dogmas I’ve nurtured, then takes me out the other side. I look, look, and look some more until as many shreds as currently possible of these false edifices are examined and released. Once seen, lesser impact the next time; eventually, dead. [Not much changed in this one, just cleaned up the writing a bit.]

4. Reactivity cut to the bone. Meaning, very little knee-jerk responses to others, situations, thoughts, feelings, ideas. There is sometimes surprise, unease, etc. There also can be reactivity that stays strictly internal as thoughts start swirling, feelings arise and even the temptation to speak the ‘me’s’ silly opinions and beliefs and call them truth. Yet automaton behavior no longer always follows. Mostly, I keep my mouth shut now, my actions unexpressed. So somehow the kinks are being ironed out. And when auto pilot does kick in, it is quickly seen and amended. How do I know that it is always seen if it occurs? I don’t; I can’t. But I do know that if it’s not seen, it will come back around sooner or later to give another whack at it.

5. Last and very far from being least: The ever deepening sweetness of Life without a center, as Jeff Foster calls it. This is the continued experiential awareness that all is Oneness; no ‘me’, ‘no ‘other’. I do not experience that Oneness without interruption. I do experience varying degrees of experiential no self. It is realized here that the original lie is this imaginary ‘I’, assumed as central. And it’s the same false center for all who assume it: ‘me, me, me’!

OK… that’s the update. Stay tuned for more about the non-abiding awakenings, and my reports from the expanding front. If your interest is sparked, look at other sites and blogs listed to the right for variations on this theme. Perhaps consider pondering, deeply: No self… no me… possible? desirable? doable? See what comes up… and even  if it’s “There IS a self, by golly!” ponder looking around for the where of it. You never know.

Much Love,

Lisa

(This post edited on 1-29-2012; see ‘More Naked’  if you want to know why.)

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About Lisa Kahale

Just THIS.

7 responses »

  1. Bert Vercauteren

    Thank you Lisa.
    Wonderful to feel truth shining through your words.

    Here’s some ‘ancient’ music for the occasion:
    http://grooveshark.com/s/Beatles+Let+It+Be/3QttHx?src=5

    :)
    All the best!
    Bert

    Reply
  2. Fascinating. Thank you Lisa…

    Reply
  3. Great reporting Lisa. Yes, there is only the dissolution of the misbelief in separate self, yet the experience here was so total that I did indeed describe it as an annihilation, more than once. In my post Dec 1 http://theawakeneddreamer.com/2011/12/01/when-the-house-burns-down/ I noted that the thought-vacuum was profound and the stillness, well, vast. Yet I am seeing that for many folks walking through the gate via self-inquirty, there is a range in terms of how conditionings dissolves over time, or here, virutually all at once (though I am certain there is more to dissolve here as the years go on).

    A curious question: is there with no-self, also a sense of all-self? I mean, are you experiencing in this life without a center, the allness of you?

    I ask this because I had a dream last night about Understanding vs Devotion, and how to fully awaken both of these elements must occur. Understanding that I am not a separate self (there is no me to be found) and devotion, as in the poems of Rumi, the blissful joy of realizing union with the beloved. In this case, I’d say my dream was pointing to the all-ness of devotion aligned with the no-thingness of Understanding.

    hugs

    Lori Ann

    Reply
    • Aloha Lori Ann… Within these non-abiding awakenings (thanks to Adya’s ‘End of Your World’ for his very lucid discussion of abiding/non-abiding) self is completely absent and instead what is present is ‘allness’. Total spaciousness. When the awakening fades, what remains is lack of the sense of ‘I’, self. This lack of ‘me’ never goes away. It somehow becomes more 3D during the awakening periods. Hard to express, and I’m sure you get THAT!

      So, during the awake moments spacious allness rules. When that fades out, lack of an ‘I’ continues, albeit less ‘three dimensional’. My rule of thumb is something else Adya says:

      “All that matters is right here and right now. The question isn’t, ‘Have I had an awakening?’ The question is, ‘Is awakening awake right here, right now?”

      So, no center to life anymore, no ‘me’, and not yet abiding spacious allness. Jeff Foster experiences ‘both’, at once, and that happens here only during discreet awakened periods. Yet it is very sweet indeed to have no ‘me, me, me’ in the center!

      Thanks for your comments and your interest Lori… :))

      Hugs back,
      Lisa

      Reply
      • Yes, certainly helps to have wayshowers like Adya to read. thanks for clarifying…last nights dream, and one a few weeks back, keep pointing at the two sides of a sideless coin. :-) If you take the sentence I am here now, there is only AM that is real (this was a dream). I is what falls away through Understanding. Here-Now (which are space time coordinates) fall away in that Bhakti element/devotion, which is where the allness-spaciousness arises as well as the joy/bliss. This is infomration I am being given in my night dreaming, many of which have been very “instructional” though I have no sense of an instructor. I am finding that joy/spacious ness is my mainstay and was my entry point to this awakening. Which if funny, because working at LU as a guide I am watching people enter through a completely different portal than I went through, though yes, the destination is the same–Awareness operational. hugs Lori ANN

  4. Pingback: More Naked « One Spaciousness

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