I have been at sea, having set sail four months ago with nothing but blazing intent to lead me. Awake to the truth that there was no genuine person associated with this body, I was on fire to discover what was here instead. I was ready.
The ocean upon which I found myself was of waves tremendously, hugely powerful, close to unendurable; troughs lower, darker than could ever have been imagined. I was small, large, vulnerable, strong; often frightened, crying with doubt and uncertainty; many times exultant, calling the name of the One with unrelenting joy.
Never could this have been foreseen, for never had I dared to cross into the darkest of this unknown territory with a shattered open mind and pounding loving heart. Before, fear of what would be embraced and what would be released kept the border safely and securely many miles away. Before, I truly did not want to know. Now, there was nothing else.
I found much I mistook for truth, and much that was so real it shined of its own accord, with the unmistakable living light of Reality. Constantly asked was the prime guiding question, “Is it true?”. And many times thought was “Oh, this is what I am.” And then, “No, this is what I am”, each time moving to the next truth, and the next.
With them was consistent understanding that they were only partial truths, relative; necessary, and not enough. Also understood was that the flaming desire would keep pushing me on, to be eventually deposited on the shore of… what? I did not know. The only thing known was that I would recognize it, once there.
After a final huge and miserable mistaking of ego as real when it rose up stronger and more alluring than ever, everything fell away. Up surged the next guiding question. Ignoring the waves, the troughs, the thoughts, the feelings, I asked every day, all day, “Who am I? What am I?” I was obsessed, yet again, knowing that the one taking this journey would not be the one to arrive.
And so it was. The horizon abruptly changed; land came into view. Then someone, something, left the water behind forever and stood on the sand, surrounded by, filled up with, unending eternal Reality. Full emptiness, so near, so dear, welcomed Itself home, as was always known It would. And now it is seen: I am That, as are we all, for there is nothing other.