Looking Pays Off

The two copy

Here’s a vignette from my life. I am absolutely sure that the outcome would have been much different had awakening not already shown up. So perhaps this is a pointer…

My spouse is transsexual; she was born female with a male body. We met before she understood that the transition to a female body was in the cards. I knew nothing of it until our relationship was years down the road; upon learning she was female internally I was OK with it as there was no discussion of surgical correction of the body.

That surgical correction has now taken place. It’s been quite a ride for us both. I was absolutely against it for the first 6 or 8 months. How could I have a female partner when I (1) am not a lesbian, and (2) felt so angry about it.. ?

This is what happened: I am still not a lesbian; simply a heterosexual woman in a very unusual relationship (and glad of it). And I am no longer angry, only grateful that I overcame my own intense conditioning and programming and am still with this wonderful person I love so much.

Here’s how this miracle came about: Once I saw that I was anti-transition, that I had huge issues around being with a woman instead of a man, I knew I had to look at that or leave my loved one forever. So I looked. What I saw was completely unexpected: I was actually anti-woman, not anti-transition. My anger and fear was based in childhood (of course) and involved my relationship with my mother. It had nothing at all to do with my sweetheart and everything to do with decades-old issues with the woman who gave birth to me. Because of what happened so long ago I was very distrustful of women and believed that only men were acceptable in intimate relationships. There’s a lot more to this, of course, but this is the heart of it.

My point in sharing this is to reinforce in all of us the truth of the idea that reality is never about others (our angers, resentments, control issues, etc.) but always and ever about ourselves and our beliefs, conscious and otherwise. Had I not been willing to look within when my resistance to my spouse’s transition hit, had I continued to point the finger and insist that something was wrong and it wasn’t on my side of the fence, I would be spouse-less today. And that would have been not only unnecessary but utterly devastating. Two lives would have been much different because of unwillingness to look.

This is true of awakening as well… lives much different because of not looking, not seeing reality.

I have learned a lot.


About Lisa Kahale

Just THIS.

8 responses »

  1. I have found that in every case where someone has an issue with transsexuals, that it was the same – an internal issue that person had whether they were cognizant of it or not. Most usually, as in my love Lisa’s case, it was something deeply buried and was actually her mind protecting her – a useful and necessary thing until no longer required. However, it becomes so deep and buried that it continues even when it is detrimental. Lisa has the greatest courage to time and again dive deeply and uncover these. I’m so proud of her and love her immensely !

  2. Wow ………….That is powerful. Thanks for sharing this. But it doesn’t surprise me. When I first saw your videos , I knew you had a lot of depth. …………. Great pic of you both….very sweet energy.

  3. Your blog is soo honest, so sweet and so touching that it brought me to tears. You truly know how to love. I am happy that your spouse has such a wonderful woman to love. The world needs your kind heart soo much/

  4. Lisa:
    It’s about truth , goodness and beauty – just like Plato said – rather than our own fear and misplaced aversion. Am bisexual. My woman knows. The whole man/woman polarity makes my head hurt. I never understood these strong definite feelings about only one sex or the other that people say they have. As a grownup, that confusion turned into a kind of freedom – from gender stereotypes and acceptance of the range of the human freedom of sexual expression. It took a long time to unwind the layers of Catholic self-hatred, but underneath, there is a great acceptance of human living and human sexual relations that just makes sense. Truth=love. Beauty=love. Goodness=love. Parts? They come after the fact.
    Love and more to you and your partner,

    • Hi dominic…. so good to hear from you again. Thanks for the strong feedback. I am where you are: gender looks pretty darn non-nailable. There are 7 billion+ ways to be human and all are just right. Even the ones the mind says are wrong…
      Love in return to you and yours…


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