Old Stuff Still Showing Up

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blue1

Ever feel possessed? As in: things seem OK and then wham! An out-of-the-blue thought takes root, grows and flowers very quickly and suddenly the mouth is saying things, the body is warping and commitment to the aberrant thought mushrooms into justifying, defending or even attacking?

That’s conditioning, programming out of the past popping up from the dungeon of buried stuff, ready to be seen. It’s old old belief surfacing and making itself wildly known, demanding to be heard and soothed. So hear it. Soothe it. How? Look deeply: is this clutched and communicated idea about life really true or is it an explanation adopted in childhood/youth, originally designed to mollify, neutralize or rationalize difficult experience? When it appears, or as soon as possible after, step back. Move into neutral. Look at it with an accepting eye. It has a story to tell and it might just be one that is ready to be dissolved. 

This is pertinent information for awakening ones in particular because this kind of response to thought is often more confusing after waking up than before. When we are still locked into imagining that thoughts are accurate we may feel uncomfortable or regretful that such incidences happen but they are seen as normal. After awakening it can be very clear that thoughts are often inaccurate and arbitrary and also very confusing when they still seem to take over.

The key is to remember that awakening is a beginning only. It is never final and never over. Things continue to evolve both in understanding and experience and that’s just how it is. Awakening does not, cannot, change the basic set-up here. Time and space may be inherently non-existent yet as long as there is life they come into play; they are part of the foundational rules of the game. We can see through them but cannot erase them.

And so there is evolution, sequencing, growth. Time seems to pass. Change simply is. No one is free from conditioning and it will fall away however it does. Much of it as the awakening door opens, the rest as time passes. Seeing that this is a natural part of continuing on with life is a good way to assist it. And since it will happen anyway why not work with it by accepting that stuff will show up and then looking carefully, without judgment? Lots can be seen and clear sight is always a bonus. 

Find out about this for yourself. If you are not yet over the waking up threshold, it can help. If you have passed through the gateless gate, it can help. Conditioning is what makes us human before and the dropping off of it is what makes us more free as human after.

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About Lisa Kahale

Just THIS.

8 responses »

  1. Well said. Mirrors experience here. Very confusing. Repeatedly. Thanks for telling it. – d

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  2. Question: Why is attention being drawn to look inside the passing cargo box ? ;) :)

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  3. Hi, alforit…. the passing cargo box contains the conditioning/programming clues that can be valuable. So when readiness to look appears, the box comes floating by. :)

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  4. Thanks . I find your metaphors very helpful.

    Following that line……… If the clouds in the sky are the same as the passing cargo containers (metaphorically speaking), and we are the endless sky, then what value do the clouds have realistically, if their very nature is just illusional ? And if we work on each cloud to dissipate it, wouldn’t that imply that we feel that somehow our true nature is of a cloud and needs to be improved or changed ? And wouldn’t that be just another story also ? And if we work on each cloud that appears then who is to say that it is not just one of an endless stream of clouds that will need our attention and never truly end ? Or is the attention just going to where it is identifying ?

    Sorry for all the question ….Heh :)
    Hope that made sense.

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  5. Everything in life is foundationally equal to everything else, alforit… that’s the ultimate view beyond this experiencing, and it’s great for perspective and can be confusing when it comes to understanding life as it is lived. Despite the spontaneous illusory nature of living, it is experienced as compellingly real, is it not? And in order to address that we have to look with a relative, or everyday, view rather than the ultimate one. In the everyday, each thing showing up seems unique and involved in cause/effect. So we ponder all that.

    ALL of this is a story, and allowing for the fact that each human has a variation of the basic one, we see it’s all we have to work with. The “stream of clouds” in the metaphor will never stop, of course. Never truly end, yes. So it turns out to be a balancing act: we walk the sharp edge between trying to understand whichever clouds grab the most attention and remembering that all is ultimately equal, nothing what we think it is, not even ourselves… This is the dream showing up moment to moment. When we are fully successful on that sharp edge we are concurrently engaged with and yet non-identified with life. We see the full picture rather than one side grabbing all the attention.

    It’s tricky, yes. There usually needs to be a genuine awakening experience in order for this to be clearly seen, although some understanding can be gained beforehand.

    Attention goes where it goes. But remembering that there’s a full view here can help keep both sides more balanced. Hope this helps… :)

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  6. My process, late in life, to confront and resolve old, buried, painful feelings and memories led me to 12 step support groups where I learned to talk about my feelings, etc. with “I” statements and keep the focus on my self and my issues. After much honest remembering, I began spontaneously weeping – anywhere and anytime which ticked a lot of folks who were still in DENIAL of their own unhealed inner stuff. I had a Guru when I was about 18 who introduced me to Advaita and the question: What/Who am I? but never realized that my deep issues were all about very bad parenting and a huge array of early childhood trauma and emotional damages which finally overwhelmed me in my late 40s. Nothing in Spirituality had ever prepared me to face and understand he horrible sh*t that I had been raised with. I came to see and understand just how bad my parents were and exactly why. I can see it all around me in my current family and society in general but have no idea how to fix bad parenting or protect innocent kids from it. I guess early trauma is just one of those things!
    Anyway, I am very glad to see that Lisa is willing to talk about something that was and still is a TABOO subject in most of society – spiritual or otherwise. After several years of hurting, weeping, raging and venting, I went back to Advaita and Spirituality but none of that did me nearly as much good as psychology and self esteem in finding a happier life. Life finally began to loose power so I was “accidentally” led to LU recently and I am now working with a guide, Pete, and have made more progress in just a few days than I made in all those years before now. LOL, I am 77 but looking forward to a wonderful life from now on!

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  7. I want to address this post based on my current experience with “old stuff”.

    “Following that line……… If the clouds in the sky are the same as the passing cargo containers (metaphorically speaking), and we are the endless sky, then what value do the clouds have realistically, if their very nature is just illusional ?”
    I might have thought that the damaged and painful old feelings within me were simply “clouds” in the endless sky of me but, when I was hit very hard by these bottled up, PAINFUL, very angry, sad and frightened feelings – not just little “thoughts” – there was no stopping them or ignoring them any more – endless sky or not. Of course, I did not have the “endless sky” realization or awakening at that time and still don’t as of this writing. For me, those wild and furious feelings/memories/thoughts were anything but “illusional”! It’s the level of pain that might force someone to finally address their old stuff.
    “And if we work on each cloud to dissipate it, wouldn’t that imply that we feel that somehow our true nature is of a cloud and needs to be improved or changed ?”
    I cannot speak for “we” or anyone other than my self here. I had to work on and attempt to dissipate each cloud, as it appeared, regardless of who/what I am or was at that time. It was a do or die situation regardless of my “true nature”. Perhaps, if I had been in my “true nature”, it would not have hurt so much and I might have simply ignored or learned to live with my unresolved old stuff – like some exalted sage on a mountain top. There were times when I was “high” on some spiritual experience and I did not feel any pain back then but my old stuff just would not remain quiet and hidden inside of me and finally overwhelmed me at 48. I have seen and heard of this very same pattern in and for other “high” folks as well.
    “And wouldn’t that be just another story also ? And if we work on each cloud that appears then who is to say that it is not just one of an endless stream of clouds that will need our attention and never truly end ?”
    I am not sure what the term “story” is supposed to mean but in my “story” things were getting pretty ugly – so ugly that I finally went into group therapy. What a story! Again, I cannot speak for any “we” but I worked on each cloud (damaged feeling) the best I could but it was not an endless stream, as many folks fear it will be. The sea of damaged feelings within me finally began to dissipate and came to an almost end since there is still some more damaged old stuff to fix but way less than at the beginning of the healing process – which went on for a few years. I suppose the fear of an endless array of clouds (unhealed old stuff) can keep many folks from undertaking the task to clean up their old stuff but, in my case, once the old stuff came to the surface, there was no alternative and I had to either fix my old stuff or go down in flames (jail, insane asylum, death, etc.) – that’s how bad my old stuff was! So, as much as I’d like to just relax in my “true nature” and happily dismiss my old stuff, it just isn’t happening for me. My old stuff will not allow it, for whatever reason and has made it perfectly clear to me, in very dramatic ways, that it will not be ignored or denied any longer so that is why I finally went for help and began repairing my damaged old stuff the best I could. Good luck with your old stuff. I doubt that it will leave you in peace forever until after you find the courage to fix it.

    Reply

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