Everything from Nothing: No More Fight Club

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Awakening is a door. It opens and we cross into a new way of being, one that eventually becomes ordinary, everyday experiencing. I enjoy exploring these new ways of being; an on-going breaking of what is for me new ground far from the place I entered, but somehow still exactly there all the time. This never ceases to amaze… the journey of no distance.

Something that has remained a clear realization each moment during this exploration, and so now seems quite familiar, is the spontaneous seamless appearing of life moment to moment. It first rolled open before me during the initial months of awakening (always on-going, never “done”) and continues to be seen using just a slight shift of attention. Memory does not enter into this. I stop, look and there it is again: the constant fresh renewing of the universe as unbroken singularity, springing up into manifestation. It’s all brand-new as each instantly and constantly reappearing moment.

This is not a visual thing, nor a connection of thought-dots; rather it is a an ever- fresh view or knowing. While there is no longer the huge impact there was once it continues to delight and gently nudge a feeling of security: life has things well in hand.

The implications of this are significant.

Because life is new in each split-second what we consider to be cause and effect is an assumption based on the belief that time is unfolding; that it somehow flows from “earlier”, to “now” and then to “later”. This assuming is so ingrained it is almost never seen or questioned. Yet time actually is not; nor are space, objects, situations or events actual, despite their sensed immediacy.

What is occurring is a built-in perceptual mechanism of the body that allows for “slices” of time and discreet experiences of space, objects and events to be uniquely perceived, and this serves us well. Without it everything would merge together as a single lump; the past, future, all space, all objects and events would be continuously here as the present moment. Imagine a life of that!

And so it is that there is not a something “before” influencing or creating a something “after”; nothing caused by anything previous; no effects which then morph into new causes. Without time, space and objects constantly morphing and flowing in a linear movement, this simply cannot be.

With no causes to make things happen, they simply happen spontaneously each moment and then the next (or don’t), each new and complete; whole. And because there is no person here (no separate self, no me or you) choosing and making decisions (as what is labeled decision or choice is the same spontaneous emerging moment, un-caused) there is also no need for angst or argument over so many things: outcomes, being right, mistakes, optimizing, diminishing, the future, the past… on and on. It’s a long list.

Of course thoughts and feelings that are labeled “concern” over these can still show up. If an action comes that seems to be triggered by something previous (I see situation x, I’m concerned, I do such-and-such) all that need happen is to look closely. Nope, that action was not triggered by the concern that came, nor was the concern triggered by a situation that occurred.

The looking can reveal that

there is not “a this causing a that”.

It only looks that way.

Whatever shows up is ordinarily thought of as having happened in sequence, one after the other, due to our sense of time seemingly passing (as in “passing by”). And it is also thought that the earlier events caused the later ones, which then caused ones even later than those. In other words: it’s natural that we believe it is all causes and effects, as it all seems to actually show up that way, with ramifications then springing out in all directions as well.

But what we are really experiencing each moment is just that… each moment. Brand new. Complete and whole. Nothing before that prompts anything after because there is no before and hence no after. There is only right now.

Sit with this a bit. Can you find anything other than this moment? Is there a past anywhere, with causes? A future with effects? Can any of these ever be found?

Ponder how this lack of time and the resulting lack of cause and effect might create a new view, perhaps a new acceptance of life. If it genuinely were not possible for you to choose which way to go; if each seeming choice, each perceived cause were but life showing up fresh yet again with absolutely nothing being done by you or anyone else, what would drop off your worry list? What would you stop arguing with, fighting against?

If it was deeply seen and known that all of life is always spontaneous and never emerging from human behaviors, would ideas about behaviors change? What if was clearly realized that outcomes do not come from you or anyone else, that only ideas and thoughts about “I created this, you created that and causes bring effects” are what say this is true? Might significant amounts of angst dissolve, drop away?

What I am pointing to is that stressing and fretting about what we see as our decisions and choices is not inherent. Arguing with what life brings is like shaking your fist at the weather; pointless indeed. These are all add-ons. And life can and will function very nicely without them. The reality is this:

Life itself takes care of everything,

down to the most minute of details and up to the largest of imaginables, as it always has. It does this by showing up. That’s it. Life shows up. Worry, argument, stress… none of them required for life to flow and unfold exactly as it is meant to be.

And we experience as we do, believing whatever is believed. Feeling that time is actual or believing that causes create effects is not bad or wrong, just untrue except in thoughts. And it can be hugely unproductive to pretend that you don’t believe those thoughts if you do; to be in denial of your own perceptions and experience. This is why it is important to not take my word or anyone’s in these matters. This is an “Experience it yourself” kind of thing. So look to your own inner knowing. Remember that you are your own best guide to the interior territory and that it can be explored with ease and in-depth. Remind yourself that direct, non-intellectualized experiencings of truth can emerge.

Look, openly and honestly, without attention given to thoughts.

The entire universe happens in a manner totally different from how we’d ever thought it did. And we can know this. All is appearing as it will, right on schedule without a single thing being decided or chosen by a single human anywhere. It can become apparent that it just looks as if we are doing it even though we aren’t; it can be recognized that this includes all things: the disruptive, the mean-spirited, the kind, the loving. They come not as choice (not even the “good” ones) but simply and spontaneously as whatever they are; things happening. All of it just life, as it is. The opportunity to see and understand ourselves and our world in this completely new light is available to all.

And once seen, there is often the emergence of deep, satisfying acceptance of however the “as it is” shows up. No more resistance, no more arguing with life. It is the putting down of our oh so battered fight gloves and walking out of the ring into a new livingness.


Everyone is Innocent


everyone is innocent


This can be hard to believe at times, can it not? So let’s not use belief here, as that is always problematical; one person believes something utterly and the next says it is ridiculous. Belief is not a worthy confirmation nor a steady standard of authenticity.

Let’s look instead at how life is actually showing up, in the moment. Right here, right now, are you innocent or guilty? Are you worthy, valuable or (probably because of believing [there it is again] in the badness/wrongness of some of your previous behaviors) are you less-than, perhaps even bad and not at all good? My experience is that many feel that way about themselves.

And I, too, struggled mightily with these very questions all my life. Truly believed (smile) that Lisa was not good and never could be. Then awakening… and still the questions went on, which was a surprise as my belief (another smile) was that I would instantly be absolved, instantly become pure. That doesn’t happen when we wake up. More on that in another post.

For me the ticket was to genuinely realize that behavior is never caused by anything such as heredity, previous behaviors, thought, emotion, sensation; and it is never an effect (of my rightness or wrongness or even choice, volition or control, but that it can seem to be). Behavior is always a spontaneous showing-up; zero cause. Once that was gut-clear the rest came into focus.

What does this mean, how does it work that behavior is not caused by me, that somehow I am not actually “doing” it and thusly innocent? It happens because life is spontaneous, appearing fresh and new in each nano-moment and then again, over and over. No past, no future, just that tiny point of appearance that explodes into the wholeness of everything. There is never a cause of what shows up because nothing previously happened, it just seems that way. Life absolutely looks solid and objective with time sequentially separating everything, but that’s really not at all how it is. Handy, though.

And the apparent causes of behavior also seem solid and objective due in part to the mind-function labeled “memory”, which assists in creating the illusion that life is constantly flowing from past to future. This allows a “cause” to appear as being the trigger or creator of an “effect”. But this is how the dreamstream only seems to actually be. Time is the word we give to this, but as it does not exist as a thing, only a concept or label we put to our apparent experience of “before, now, after”, it can give no objective reality to anything. This is the unseen trick of it: none of that is actual, it’s just the way it appears in order that it can be experienced as… well, as the way it is experienced. A magnificent and wondrous dream embraced, lived.

Yet if there is no “previous”, then there can be no actual cause for what we say and do. This attaching of responsibility is a mis-perception, a misunderstanding, rather than the abdication that some might imagine it to be. Each word we say, each move we make, each action taken is fresh, new and never caused by the non-existent past and never effecting an always-unreal future. It’s just what it is, right now; a kind of instant pop-up that then vanishes and the next pop-up appears. It is the moment, the now; the only time we’ll ever have.

This does not mean we should not hold ourselves and others accountable, because that can show up also. We don’t have to stay in situations or with people that we find unpleasant, imagining we must because they are innocent, nor do we have to assign wrongness, moving from seeing authentic accountability to pointing the blame finger. We can simply say to ourselves or another that this is not what is desired or appreciated, give feedback if that feels right to do, and move on. Meanwhile, life continues as the automatic becoming of the next nano-moment and things change or don’t.

So this might come down to whether or not we genuinely see that in a way we are puppets only… but in a nice way, as life is lived not through us (as separate selves) but as us. Nowhere can there be found a separate self to be held responsible; nowhere causes and effects. In this, as in all things, we are no different than the clouds in the sky, the trees in the earth, the water in the ocean. We are life: natural, spontaneous; never bad and never good. Not even genuine innocence to be found, as there is nothing other with which it can be contrasted; and no guiltiness except when felt and believed like so much other that is falsely embraced. Bottom line: We just are.

And that’s something to celebrate, I think. All labels, all judgments resolved and the playing field seen as absolutely equal for all, as the field is all; all of us and all of everything. Everyone is valuable and innocent because everyone is life itself. Denigrating one is the denigrating of the other because there is no “other”; all is the same exact seamless thing.

It’s life. It’s all we’ve got and it’s just so beautiful, painful, chaotic, joyful; a mystery to the googleplex power. And we the innocents who play in it, as it. Perfect.

And as always… look for yourself. Explore these words in your own interior. True? Nonsense? How is any of this known? Via belief (smile again) or gut intuitive knowing? Just look. Lots to find.

Actor Life … Real Life


What do you intend we see about you? What do you put out as “This is who/what I am”? What is the goal… for us to see you as you are or for us to see what you want us to see? The former is truth the latter is dishonest. It can be very scary to stop spinning stories about oneself and the world but stop we must or we live in lies. It’s that simple.

We are a culture terrified of being seen as we are because we habitually imagine that we are less than, that we are not good enough. Yet when I am busy imagining that there is a right or wrong way to be, I cannot know my true nature. When I am busy defining Lisa and spinning what the world sees, that interior experiencing of what I am in actuality is muddied-over with concepts, shoulds and musts. Crazy making, all of it.

I cling to what I believe is “right”, what I “should” be, when I am scared of being wrong, of being what is imagined I should not be. “Others will know I am not a good person unless I say and do a,b,c... I’ll be revealed as the blackheart I am.” Nope. No one is genuinely a blackheart. And what will show up as this Lisa will show up as it does; that is the absolute nature and grounded given about life: spontaneous seamless appearing, moment to moment. No causes and always as it is meant to be.

Only false thinking that life is showing up wrong, or that shining false stories of Lisa must be spun, can seem to put me and the world into the tiny little boxes of good or bad. Only belief can create the imagining that I actually could be good or bad. I can be neither. I am reality as human. So are you. Good, bad, right, wrong are mind-created ideas. Life does not recognize them.

Rest here. Not with goodness as human, nor badness. Just reality, true nature, which is none of these words we so love to spin around ourselves, words that are not true and never can be. True nature is word-neutral, concept-free; without opinion and judgment either way. It just is, and sees all of life the same.

Rest right here.

Fire and Ash Revisited


I have been a member of Liberation Unleashed ever since they guided me into my original awakening to truth. We are an active group and our most recent project is to interview those who have seen through illusion with the help of LU guides. I was interviewed and it is now up and ready. This was so fun and such a good way for me to re-visit the last few years. If you want to set yourself on fire this might be the match that does it.

Lisa’s Liberation Unleashed interview is right here.

Looking Pays Off

The two copy

Here’s a vignette from my life. I am absolutely sure that the outcome would have been much different had awakening not already shown up. So perhaps this is a pointer…

My spouse is transsexual; she was born female with a male body. We met before she understood that the transition to a female body was in the cards. I knew nothing of it until our relationship was years down the road; upon learning she was female internally I was OK with it as there was no discussion of surgical correction of the body.

That surgical correction has now taken place. It’s been quite a ride for us both. I was absolutely against it for the first 6 or 8 months. How could I have a female partner when I (1) am not a lesbian, and (2) felt so angry about it.. ?

This is what happened: I am still not a lesbian; simply a heterosexual woman in a very unusual relationship (and glad of it). And I am no longer angry, only grateful that I overcame my own intense conditioning and programming and am still with this wonderful person I love so much.

Here’s how this miracle came about: Once I saw that I was anti-transition, that I had huge issues around being with a woman instead of a man, I knew I had to look at that or leave my loved one forever. So I looked. What I saw was completely unexpected: I was actually anti-woman, not anti-transition. My anger and fear was based in childhood (of course) and involved my relationship with my mother. It had nothing at all to do with my sweetheart and everything to do with decades-old issues with the woman who gave birth to me. Because of what happened so long ago I was very distrustful of women and believed that only men were acceptable in intimate relationships. There’s a lot more to this, of course, but this is the heart of it.

My point in sharing this is to reinforce in all of us the truth of the idea that reality is never about others (our angers, resentments, control issues, etc.) but always and ever about ourselves and our beliefs, conscious and otherwise. Had I not been willing to look within when my resistance to my spouse’s transition hit, had I continued to point the finger and insist that something was wrong and it wasn’t on my side of the fence, I would be spouse-less today. And that would have been not only unnecessary but utterly devastating. Two lives would have been much different because of unwillingness to look.

This is true of awakening as well… lives much different because of not looking, not seeing reality.

I have learned a lot.

What to Do?

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What to Do

Perhaps the most provocative of all questions: If there is nothing to do, no one to do it… then what to do? What in the world can/should/must we do?

Nothing. It’s all done through and as us. It’s all just spontaneously showing up, fading out, showing up again fresh. And yet…

And yet. The game of life is played via suspension of belief in the truth, which is the above, that there is nothing doing and no one (no “me”) doing it. We are born into truth as truth itself and then that congenital fact becomes suspended in order that there can be full participation in life. This means that it must seem as if we do things. It must appear that we think our own thoughts, feel our own feelings, make our own choices. And oh, how successful this is! It’s a perfect strategy. It works. Until awakening we all believe all of this.

Then comes the end of belief and the awareness of truth returns with a sweeping off of all the game pieces from the board. We see. No individual self anywhere, in anyone. No choices made, no decisions decided. No control of when we lick our lips, think our thoughts or sigh our sighs. We realize everything arises and falls back naturally, spontaneously and without any say-so from an imaginary “I”. What a delightful shock! What an adjustment to be made!

We move from absolutely believing that we are in command to the complete and unequivocal recognition that it was never so and could never be so. Life shifts one hundred and eighty degrees. The pole star is new and we know it.

So… what to do when there is simply no possibility that anything could ever be done via volition? Just this: acceptance of what is, coming out of nowhere to no self to make the game playable again. We accept that we can play the game as if it were what it pretends to be. We dive back in, knowing it’s a game.

This is the greatest “Act as if” ever invented. It is doing simply for the sake of doing, living as the bittersweet joy of living because there is no other way except the nihilistic misery of over-focusing on the fact of no choices or control. It is Life as Human, re-born.

At some point awakening brings this fullness of truth into our awareness: that yes, no doing is possible, but what the heck, why not just accept the spontaneous appearances as they show and act as if? Why not just relax and let go of all the worries and concerns about life that may still appear and flow? The river of manifestation will always be moving as it does and sooner or later we realize we are its current, we are the isness itself. We see that even the worries and concerns are spontaneously showing up as part of that isness. We see we are free and always were.

In the end we encounter ourselves everywhere, all the time, as this newly seen Life. Nothing to do as we do it all anyway, without even trying.

This is the end of delusion, the beginning of wisdom. Look for it. It is yours to see.


Instant Reality

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Dandelion Reality

For those who have experienced awakening it’s obvious that there is no individual self in operation, that we have simply imagined that the “I” is a concrete reality. A handy imagining, to be sure, and entirely natural, but a belief in something unreal nonetheless.

It is also obvious that the things that seem to happen out of this imaginary “me” actually do seem to happen here in the world of 3D. Decisions come forth, actions are taken, words spoken. Circumstances ebb and flow and responses to those movements alter along with the movements themselves. It’s commen in the non-dual community to hear the explanation for this to be that there is nothing happening and no one to do it in any case. While this is fundamentally true it can feel wholly empty and inadequate as it provides nothing to grab onto, and despite no self being present the functions we have always attributed to that empty belief are still in operation: there is desire for something to grab onto when it comes to these matters.

So, if there is no me or you deciding, acting, speaking, flowing with circumstances, what is it that is happening?

Spontaneous, seamless appearance, that’s what. Never anything via our own volition but simply a nano-moment by nano-moment flash, endlessly repeated, of what we call ourselves, our world, the physical universe. It shows up as a oneness unit in each of those moments and as a fresh and whole new oneness in the next. And yup, not physical and not in something called time, except in our labeling and beliefs. It just is, and that isness is never what we’d thought it to be. It cannot be explained, not even truly be discussed, as all explanations and discussions involve concepts that are profoundly just that… concepts. Great fun, good old-fashioned mind candy, but mere ideas and thoughts and hence always but wisps of smoke, grabbed onto by we grabbing-on humans. Another wholly natural and handy imagining, this thinking that we think we know.

The good news? Seeing this spontaneous projection of life clearly, accepting it unequivocably is the core of enlightenment as well as total realization that suffering need not be. In fact, living this in the moment makes suffering impossible. Experiencing that all is showing up as a singularity that is at once completely unavoidable and at the same time utterly desirable causes suffering to seem ludicrous. It is the burden of false responsibility gone forever.

For in the end we have no responsibility as decision-makers, action-takers, word-sayers. We can no more help what comes out of and from us than a tree does in how its branches grow, it’s leaves unfurl, its roots spread. We are as natural and unself-conscious as that tree but do not realize it until awakening, although it can take some time before the wholeness of that is absorbed. Awakening is but a boarder crossed, it is not the territory.

There is much to be traverssed from that point forward. A lifetime of believing in the illusion of self, world, choice and control does not dissolve instantly. But dissolve it does. We will continue to act as if… as if we decide, as if we choose and have control and that’s as it should be as it’s how the game of life is played. Yet we are but conduits for those and what seem to be the after-effects and consequences of those. It’s all the same.

Meanwhile, whether you are a seeker or one who has already awoken, pay attention to the moment. A clear open view of the reality of how everything shows up is readily available. Just sit, look, wait. It’s here every moment for it is just what is, and this can absolutely be seen.



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