Tag Archives: Inspirational

There Rides the R Train

Aloha my friends,

The plots of two older films recently came to mind. In ‘Somewhere in Time’ Christopher Reeve plays a man besotted by the image of a nineteenth-century woman. He ends up living with her in the past after focusing so intently on his desire to be with her that whoosh! he shows up in the 1800’s via magical ‘thought travel’. In the second movie, the main character is a singer who trades to the Devil his soul for rock star status, and wham! he’s suddenly in the wings of a huge arena, waiting to go out and greet his adoring fans. Love the title: ‘Oh God! You Devil’.

Here’s why I like these movies. In both someone is transported into another reality, lives in it heartily, then through an unconscious ‘mistake’ does not.

Christopher Reeve, after a blissful interlude with his beautiful old-fashioned lover, and within the space of mere seconds, is abruptly hauled back to his other life. A penny, brought from the future in the trousers he wore for his time travel trip, falls out onto the floor. The coin triggers memory of his former existence and he is unable to stop thinking about it. He jumps onto this train of thought and it speeds him right back into modern life.  

The rock singer is told he can create his new superstar life to be anything wants and so he does.  Then slowly but surely, he gets caught up in thinking about what he left behind in the other life. He thinks about it so often and so deeply that he becomes despondent. He takes his time climbing aboard, but eventually he, too, is all the way on his own train of thought, and it deposits him into the forever forgetting of his creative powers. He literally can think of and remember nothing but his own misery.

OK, those are the plots. Here’s why I was reminded of them.

I had six awakening experiences in the last month. What is an awakening? It is not ‘me’ waking up to something (there is no ‘me’, remember?); rather, ‘spirit something’ wakes up from a ‘me’ illusion. A frame of reference shifts. Reality as Itself ceases to identify Itself as illusion, the manifested.

Nutshell version: What we are wakes up out of what we are not. This is how Adyashanti puts it and I heartily concur. It is absolutely the experience here.

Each of these powerful awakenings slowly dissolved into whatever would remain. And much has. The most tangible and complete of the remains is the utter knowing that there is no personal self. This vacillates between the unequivocal experience of zero ‘me’ existing anywhere, and a simple knowing, as in the way we know the sun exists even when we are not seeing it.

Most, not all, of what ‘is’ during these awakenings…  a living, aware spaciousness in which all is ‘located’; huge love, oneness, manifesting here as everything in that spaciousness; the simple joy of  being experientially awake to/in/as Reality… is no longer directly experienced.

And it’s clear why. I thought my way out of it. Just as for the fictional heroes above, the wonder of IT happened, and then it didn’t. Identification with thought pulled us back to ‘before’. While in the awakened state I unknowingly jumped back on the thought train, and kept on riding, kept on ‘thinking about’, even after the recognition of being train-tied yet again. And I, too, arrived back at the beginning: identifying with thoughts as being ‘me’; waving bye bye to bliss.

Except, not really.

Back at a beginning, yes, but not the beginning. The start line each time somehow further out. More, and more powerful, incorporations settling in. Much has joined that unalterable truth that there is no Lisa anywhere to be found.

Each foray within Reality leaves things that stick. Not everything, but enough. What is being learned here is that there is still strong unconscious conditioning in operation, and it has to be faced or I will continue being magnetized out of Reality, out of the awakenings, by false, unexamined dogma. This dogma appears as thought. The allure  of it is so habitual that there can be instant attention, morphing into hooked-in-believing.

This dissolving of being awake is gradual, beginning with the distinct experience that awareness is oozing down the drain. Over a few hours or a day or two, it’s gone, residual peace and … something… the only remaining signs it ever was. The first couple of times it happened, the immediate idea was that something was wrong and needed fixing. Ha! The truth is nothing is broken, nothing is incorrect. And after some  ‘Oh no!’ feelings that’s what was experienced.

Yet gradually it was recognized that what dissolved the awakening could itself be dissolved. The thoughts could be seen and examined, followed to their foundation and, in the end, released. This is inquiry, which I’ve spoken about here before.

Turns out it is the medicine that heals when there’s been falling back into illusion from truth. Looking at what happens, going deeply into unseen beliefs ‘about’, layer after layer, can illuminate their fundamental falseness. I had been doing this for some time, but now had the biggest motivation possible: to go beyond no-self into the allself of Reality, permanently, lovingly, naturally.

So I began shining that light, looking into the dark of thoughts below thoughts and the ones below those. Simple, sometimes scary, it always works if I hang in there long enough. I’m keeping a journal of the revealed core beliefs, all false. Oh, yeah. All false. All painful, non-rational and obviously untrue when clearly seen. Yet I had believed them. Go figure.

Healing happens. Awake in reality or asleep to it makes no difference. Uncovering and being receptive to really seeing chronic thought patterns loosens their grip. They simply cannot stand the light of an open mind and heart. Eventually they drop. I watch this happen.

It is still to be seen how much or how little jumping onto thought trains influences the devolving of a particular awareness experience. Maybe not at all; maybe non-abiding awakenings are that for reasons that connect not at all to thought. I’m eager to find out.

An awakening that lasts, that abides, probably to also include the dissolution of habitual conditioning, is also seen as natural. Neither will include a ‘me’who could control any of this. Not possible.

I’m taking my own advice even more fully now, and letting be.

To sum up, what is happening here is sometimes wakefulness is being experienced by this ‘part’ of spaciousness, sometimes not. Conditioned beliefs are being dissolved along the way. And this is now seen as natural. It’s waking up one day at a time. Or not. 

So. Lots of graditude that the pain induced by my particular thought train, the ‘My thoughts are facts’ one, is waking me up to itself. And even more gratitude here: That always present, is the other  train, gliding in a spaciousness that just happens to be… all there is.

The Reality train. Out on the edge of darkness. Waiting.

Much Love,


More Naked

Aloha my friends,

This is an experiment.

I recently wrote about communicating with deep honesty (‘Totally Naked Truth’).  Following that post came ‘Letting Be‘, after which there was a niggling discomfort in my stomach; a persistent yet subtle sense of ‘Uh oh’. Know that one?

Inquiry was brought to the forefront and it was discovered that something in the ‘Letting Be’ post did not live up to the high standard set forth in ‘Naked Truth’. Some of what was written might have been Lisa polishing up her image. Or perhaps a prescription: ‘Here’s your medicine. Swallow.’ OK. So be it. What next?

What indeed. Vacillation between dismissal and attending to it. When confusion entered the fray, I decided to let it rest for a bit. It came back up just now, so here we are.

I am going to re-write the numbered points from ‘Letting Be’, going more deeply into the stripped down translucence that could be waiting. There is no huge judgment that the original points were wrong or superficial. Rather it is the on-going feeling that they just could have been more pertinent or revealing,  or perhaps less … ?? Not sure here. So let’s see what happens.


Later: OK. Did it. It took some focused looking and a couple of times I was not sure where the glitch was until I’d sat with it for a while. If you are utterly fascinated perhaps re-read ‘Letting Be’ (assuming you’ve already read it, aren’t I?) for the updated points, because that’s what I did with them. I took out the originals, put in the updates. I thought at first I’d put them here, but that was overkill.

Why is this such a big deal, this grinding down until translucence is achieved? Because somehow it is very uncomfortable for an insufficient truth to be said. Before letting go of the myth of self it seemed OK for a whole slew of reasons, some of them even ‘good’ (Ha!), to be less than 100%… now it just isn’t.

Also, I have had enough of evasion and distortion, however mild or strong either may have been. So I’m focusing pretty heavily on finding the deepest truth I can, and this blog gives me the perfect medium in which to express that. Thanks for hanging in there with me! It’s so darn cool to know that there is a willing audience; that those who like, keep going; those who don’t, drop off. Perfect.

See you soon for more about the non-abiding awakenings that have been happening. That’s what is the most current and of highest interest here.

Much love,


PS: Thanks, Lori Ann, for the question about #5 in the original post. It helped me gain more clarity.

Letting Be

Aloha, my friends.

There is a deeper settling into the recognition that there is no ‘I’, no personal self. So it seems a good time to describe it a bit more. 

Since the original experience there have been several others, each including very strong ‘no-self’ components and much more. (Further on this in upcoming posts.) The emotional power of all of them, and a lot of the experientialness, has faded. I am taking that as natural. Feelings and experience do just that… arise, peak, fade. So, as it must, the immediacy dims.

What sustains, remains, is?

1. Knowing that when I specifically look for an inner self, an entity called ‘me’, none is ever found. All that really needs to be done is ask and immediately it’s clear that the answer is a big fat ‘NO’. In daily living lack of an ‘I’ is experienced in varying degrees. Also in daily living there is sometimes a spiraling into a particular thought through an ‘I’ component abruptly experienced as kind of ‘real’. Then ‘I’, who totally knows there is no ‘I’, buy into ‘I’, and start feeling like a ‘me’ again. This is suffering. See point 2.

2. A moment-to-moment experience that includes both letting thought scroll through and giving it attention. Calmness with the former; various degrees of suffering with the latter.  Suffering? Yes. No pain arises when a thought is simply noticed and allowed to pass through. Holding to something untrue and going where it leads, ahhh, different story altogether (emphasis on ‘story’). This takes me to suffering via ideas like: ‘I’m right.’  ‘It’s awful.’ ‘How stupid.’ ‘This situation should be different.’ These kinds of thoughts are ever and only my opinion and belief, rather than some sort of truth, and they hurt. Yet ‘I’ holds on until what is twistedly happening in the mind is genuinely recognized. Then comes inquiry into the thoughts and their source. Eventually, letting go of them also releases the sense of a ‘me’. Thoughts just slide on through again, no ‘I’ to clutch. Sweet relief.

3. Recognition that when the suffering symptoms start, the remedy is close at hand: Getting out means going through. So I do. Inquiry, sometimes quiet, sometimes not, shows up the erroneous ideas, beliefs, doctrines and dogmas I’ve nurtured, then takes me out the other side. I look, look, and look some more until as many shreds as currently possible of these false edifices are examined and released. Once seen, lesser impact the next time; eventually, dead. [Not much changed in this one, just cleaned up the writing a bit.]

4. Reactivity cut to the bone. Meaning, very little knee-jerk responses to others, situations, thoughts, feelings, ideas. There is sometimes surprise, unease, etc. There also can be reactivity that stays strictly internal as thoughts start swirling, feelings arise and even the temptation to speak the ‘me’s’ silly opinions and beliefs and call them truth. Yet automaton behavior no longer always follows. Mostly, I keep my mouth shut now, my actions unexpressed. So somehow the kinks are being ironed out. And when auto pilot does kick in, it is quickly seen and amended. How do I know that it is always seen if it occurs? I don’t; I can’t. But I do know that if it’s not seen, it will come back around sooner or later to give another whack at it.

5. Last and very far from being least: The ever deepening sweetness of Life without a center, as Jeff Foster calls it. This is the continued experiential awareness that all is Oneness; no ‘me’, ‘no ‘other’. I do not experience that Oneness without interruption. I do experience varying degrees of experiential no self. It is realized here that the original lie is this imaginary ‘I’, assumed as central. And it’s the same false center for all who assume it: ‘me, me, me’!

OK… that’s the update. Stay tuned for more about the non-abiding awakenings, and my reports from the expanding front. If your interest is sparked, look at other sites and blogs listed to the right for variations on this theme. Perhaps consider pondering, deeply: No self… no me… possible? desirable? doable? See what comes up… and even  if it’s “There IS a self, by golly!” ponder looking around for the where of it. You never know.

Much Love,


(This post edited on 1-29-2012; see ‘More Naked’  if you want to know why.)

Totally Naked Truth

Aloha, my friends.

This is so funny: Not five minutes after putting up my last posting, ‘One Story at a Time’, in which I spoke about what it’s like when I drop the stories about thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, I read the following from Jeff Foster:

“There is no need to constantly remind you of my story. There is no interest in separating myself from you in that way. There is no interest in proving to you how awakened I am…

Awakening is the easy part… Telling stories about your past is the easy part…

The real adventure begins when you are willing to lose all stories, including these stories of your own spiritual transformation, your own specialness, your own purity, and be totally naked in front of life…”

Ha! When I read Jeff’s words a thought came that maybe there should be ‘uh oh’ feelings about what I’d written. Guilt or remorse that I’d done a no-no. Or maybe some sort of shame should be felt. Maybe I was just blowing out stories, trying to manipulate your idea of Lisa, or mine of myself (even though I recognize there is no ‘myself” to manipulate or be manipulated; more on this later).  I wondered, so I looked…

…and in the looking at them those ideas dissolved as untrue. What took their place was this: before and after writing I’d considered my  intentions to be benevolent; if I’d seen my ‘stuff’ (aka my crap) there  in the form of printed words I would have cleaned it up. And that I could check these two things, verify them. I could know if I had been telling stories about my story. So some time was spent  inquiring. It went like this:

Q: What was my intention with this communication? To share with interested others what’s happening.

Q: Why? It might be found to be helpful, interesting.

Q: Why is that thought? Because if I hadn’t written it, I would have been one of the ones interested in reading it! Gotta be more out there.

OK. Intention validated.

Next, the willingness to see my stuff when it comes up, in this case within a communication. Inquiry, please:

Q: Is there a willingness to see my crapola? Yes, it is welcomed. No transformation without willingness. Ahh, that seems clear.

Q: OK, what would happen when it pops up (’cause it always does, sooner or later)? Look at it, own it… go into it and find the source.

Q: OK, great, but what if it is too-o-o-o-o sensitive, buttons are pushed, what then? Ye gads. OK, here’s what we’ll do:

#1: Ignore the possibility of ignoring it (achieved via remembering that a reaction to almost anything means PERSONAL CRAP ALERT).

#2: Don’t communicate until clarity has come.

#3 Immediately, or when time permits, look at the crap, dig down until the source is genuinely located. Sit with it until releasable (at least for now). 

#4 Revise the communication.

#5 Give thanks, more crap flushed!

OK. Satisfaction here. I am not in denial about intentions nor willingness to catch myself spewing fictional pompous blather (and it’s not my business if others decide to take it as fictional pompous blather). It remains to be seen if there is follow-thru. Meanwhile, here comes the point and the punchline:

The above is a description of willing inquiry, which creates a space within which radical honesty can be created. My touchstone for this:

“Truth is a very high standard. Truth is not a plaything. To tell what is true within ourselves is not to to tell what we think; it is not to tell our opinion. It is not to dump the garbage can of our mind onto somebody else. All of that is illusion, distortion, projection.

Truth is not unloading our opinions onto someone. That is not truth. Truth is not telling our beliefs about things. That is not truth. Those are ways that we actually hide from truth. Truth is much more intimate than that.

When we tell the truth…we come completely out of hiding.”

Adyashanti, ‘The End of Your World’

What an unequivocal statement, instantly recognized as legitimate! This is the gold standard of communication between you and me, and within myself.  It is scary to ponder, and very much seen as worth any effort. 

So, summing up what it is that seems to be happening: Intentions here are honorable. Willingness to recognize and deal with crap is in place. The bar is set to the perfect high level. All systems go.

Shall we move back a bit, get a running start? Take off together and go for the gold?


Much Love,


One Story at a Time

Aloha, friends.

Never in all the other wild dreams was it imagined that this would be the life I would now be living.  Only was it imagined that at this point there would be wiseness, contentment, a sense of  arrival. Silly me.

Here’s the deal: two non-abiding awakenings have occurred, altering how all is seen and experienced. One of the main recognitions is that all bets are off in every experiential and perception category.

No longer are thoughts spontaneously seen as they had been. Feelings cannot be experienced with all the old assumptions automatically attached. Other people, nope, lost sight of what they were thought to be. Circumstances, situations… they are all viewed from a new angle. What has happened? And… will it grow? is it permanent? Would that be welcome?

It has been directly recognized that I MADE UP A STORY about each and every thing that crossed my inner and outer paths, and have always done so. No way was anything seen as it was. All were immediately overlaid with whatever ideas and preconceptions and prejudices that came up about them.  

This is seen to have occurred because no attention was given to the fact of something actually happening. It was a knee-jerk auto-pilot reaction. See, hear, touch, think of something and whoosh! it morphed into what I believed about it, with no recognition of the morph. I would then go on my merry oblivious way, believing every single bit of what was thought to be real.  

I have come to understand this is what I have always done. As have we all. It is a process to which we have been completely conditioned; it’s what we are taught and in no position to refuse, as it begins shortly after birth and is concreted in just by being a small child alive on the planet. 

This was such a powerful recognition that although the experience of it has faded, the truth of it has not. It is seen now that each thought, feeling, sensation, and perception of the outer world gets overlaid with my story, my ideas about them. And then I think the ‘about’ is the ‘reality’. Hmm… this smells suspiciously like an ‘It’s all about me‘ story.

So, back to the questions. Will this continue, as in: will it grow?  Well… guess I cannot predict the future. Ha! But I can say that there is a new depth of peace, and certainly more joy. So I intend to carry on here  because this is VERY welcome, which implies SOME sort of future with this reality as a constant, and flowing into more of itself, perhaps.

Will it last? Can I count on it? Possibly. This is because ‘it’,  life in a new reality, seems dependent upon only my acknowledgement of it. And that happens when I drop the story, the identification with what those made-up fantasies say about thoughts, feelings…all of it, including the new reality. Without a story about everything, there’s a lot less risk of choosing to be in a relationship with my own crap. Yup. And without the crap, a deeper possibility that what awaits might be… anything at all. 

Finally, there is the recognition that it is totally within my power and ability to keep on dropping story stuff. Yes, I slip, I fall, I forget. Yes, I remember, I stand, I joy. All verbs. All dynamic and open to new flows.

I’m goin’ for it.

Thanks for being here with me.

Much love,


Begin Again

Aloha all!

New life, new blog. That’s the way of it. Something strongly shifted; for now it is being considered a non-abiding awakening. If you’re interested I’ll keep you posted right here.

I made a short video while the window of awakening was open. It’s down below. Funny screen capture shot. Looks like I’m pulling out my hair!

The previous blog, New Light Awakening, will still be available. No new postings, but the many loving messages will remain there for the time being.

If you were following the other blog and getting email notices about new postings you can do that here, too. Look to the right for that clickable.

OK… to the video!

Much love,


New Nows

(This was originally posted on January 2, 2012 on my former blog.)

Aloha my friends,

Two and a half weeks ago the post ‘Becoming Direct Experience’ appeared on my formerly active blog, New Light Awakening. Excerpts from that post appear below. It was unknowingly the final entry into the first incarnation of the New Light Awakening Blog. You are reading the first posting of the second incarnation. And there was fated to be only2 posts into that blog’s second life; it morphed into this one, One Spaciousness.

On the evening of December 16, 2011 I posted ‘Becoming Direct Experience’ several hours after I had uploaded my first message on the Liberation Unleashed One-on-One Forum. This is an online site providing mentoring partnership for those wanting to experience ‘no-self’. More on that in a moment.

I had no idea what was about to happen, and could not have predicted anything that’s come about, least of all the fact that no more channeled pieces would appear here. (And at this moment there is no way to talk about the previous or any new channeled entries. Looks like that subject might be covered in another posting.)

The ‘story’ of what resulted is easy to tell, and you’ll be hearing more about it in upcoming posts. The simplest and perhaps most effective way to proceed for now might be to tell you one thing, and then send you over to read the details.

So, here’s the one thing: I no longer experience an ‘I’ that is personal, or a ‘self’ that is real, i.e., belonging to a ‘me’. With the pointed questions and statements from Liberation Unleashed encouraging the looking, it became COMPLETELY apparent that no ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘myself’ has ever existed.

What is seen now is a space of potential. And perhaps a good name for what can occur in that space is freedom.

This is still a fresh and completely new experience, so bear with ‘me’. Yes, personal pronouns will continued to be used here (and henceforth sans ” ‘ “). It is already recognized that there is no other way to smoothly communicate. But these words are seen now for what they actually are: written/verbal symbols that refer to an idea of selfness that was always only just that, an idea; one to which everyone gives reverence and allegiance without questioning it in the slightest. A personal self doesn’t exist, folks. Not mine nor yours. And it never did. What a thing, eh?

If you are new to the Non-Duality subject, don’t worry about possibly being in over your head. My introduction to it was as a total neophyte; I knew next to zero. I discovered that it boils down to this: is there is an individual self, or is there not? Not, you’ll notice, debating about a belief in one or the other. Debating and beliefs are meaningless in the extreme. It is, rather, that there either is or there isn’t an individual self, an ‘I’, a ‘me’. This is something anyone can find out for themselves via direct experience. It is very simple.

More will be coming about all of this. Meanwhile, do yourself a favor and head over to Liberation Unleashed. Read the home page, take a look at the on-gong and completed dialogues in the ‘One-on-One’ and ‘Liberations’ forums. Pretty surprising stuff.

Here’s the site: Liberation Unleashed

Here’s my complete dialogue, start to finish (posted under my username of ‘Anki’ with the title of the post being ‘Ready’): Dialogue to Freedom

Others’ ongoing and completed dialogues to freedom are HEREongoing in ‘One-on-One’, completed in ‘Liberations’.

So, Aloha for now dear Friends. This blog will continue. And I’ll be just as surprised as you to find out how that’s gonna look!

Much Love,


EXCERPTS from ‘Becoming Direct Experience’ (Why are they added? ‘Cause the one that I am now finds it highly amusing to ponder that THIS was the final post before the Big Bang! So many smiles…)

There is no such thing as a separate Self, Beloved. There is no such thing as a being with a separate consciousness and a discrete ‘isness’. This is true for humanity and all other beings in what you think of as the multiverse, for the fact is all of the multiverse is… you…. 

Direct experience is without thought. It arises naturally from within you when you let thought float on through, and the feelings that may arise with it do the same. Thought and feelings are not bad and wrong; they are of the dream, made from the same ‘stuff’ and give you false experience. Direct means just that: coming straight from deeply within, which means from Source, not illusion…..

… turn your power of attention to direct experience. One way to have this is to question your thinking. Any thought that comes along is worthy of query. Ponder it. Is it true? Interesting things will develop from this, Beloved. You will be very greatly surprised…..

You are not what you think. Nor is anyone else or the world itself. All of it is an idea that has been projected. Entertain this notion frequently…..

You are not small. You are not inadequate. You are not a dreamer who cannot wake up and must continue to suffer the nightmare. You are the largest thing there is, the most complete, and now is the time when you awaken to this. These are facts, Beloved, and simply cannot be changed…. it is what is.

%d bloggers like this: